Growing Up.

Psalm 18:6 In my distress I called upon the Lord, And cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His Temple, And my cry came before Him, even to His ears.
In all my troubled times, the times when I felt like there was no hope, and I wasn't good enough, wasn't worthy enough of the things God has planned for me, I reach out to hear His voice,to get His reassurance. So many times I've stumbled and fallen so low, never wanting to get up and fight my battles anymore and to just give in to the things of this world. I've broken down so many times and they always felt like the end, there would'nt be another beginning for me, but time and time again, the Lord my hope and my strength, my everything, has never failed to pick me up, brush off any signs of that temporary defeat and build me up stronger than ever before. Before Christ, I never felt the need to get close to anyone, and even if I did, it would be for what they had, and not who they really were. Looking back, and thinking back, isn't always that wise, because I tend to drown back into that sorrow and emptiness, but now, reflecting back on those times, it reminds me of who I never want to become again. I have a future and a plan, a goal and a vision I want to achieve. A dream that I want to reach for my Jesus. In church I tend to feel like I don't belong because of the background I have in my life; my non-Christian family. It's so hard to think about them when I want to pray for them or talk to them about church or anything to do with Jesus. Whenever I start talking about it to my dad especially, he just brushes the things I have to tell him about away with another topic and totally closes that chapter without even glancing at it. I find it especially hard to think about my family when there's a Family Sunday and I always have these haunting imaginations and thoughts that my family will never come to Chirst. It breaks my heart thinking about it even more because I love them so much and I want so much for them to be saved, to know the joy that I get from knowing God and being in His presence. The Lord has a plan for me, and everytime, I pray that God, please make sure, please assure me that my family is part of that plan for my future. And it's the same with my friends. I don't know how to approach them about this topic. Each time I get the courage to open up and tell them about it, they shove it back in my face and say that it's offending them. I've never felt as broken and outcasted as when they said it. Even after all that, God has given me a rainbow of hope. After reaching church from the Leader's Retreat, my mom picked me up and we were on our way home. My mom spotted a rainbow. She said to me,"Do you know what a rainbow symbolises? Hope..." I praise God all over again, because now, my mom will be coming to church regularly. God deserves all praise and so so so much more!!!