Psalm 18:6 In my distress I called upon the Lord, And cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His Temple, And my cry came before Him, even to His ears.
In all my troubled times, the times when I felt like there was no hope, and I wasn't good enough, wasn't worthy enough of the things God has planned for me, I reach out to hear His voice,to get His reassurance. So many times I've stumbled and fallen so low, never wanting to get up and fight my battles anymore and to just give in to the things of this world. I've broken down so many times and they always felt like the end, there would'nt be another beginning for me, but time and time again, the Lord my hope and my strength, my everything, has never failed to pick me up, brush off any signs of that temporary defeat and build me up stronger than ever before. Before Christ, I never felt the need to get close to anyone, and even if I did, it would be for what they had, and not who they really were. Looking back, and thinking back, isn't always that wise, because I tend to drown back into that sorrow and emptiness, but now, reflecting back on those times, it reminds me of who I never want to become again. I have a future and a plan, a goal and a vision I want to achieve. A dream that I want to reach for my Jesus. In church I tend to feel like I don't belong because of the background I have in my life; my non-Christian family. It's so hard to think about them when I want to pray for them or talk to them about church or anything to do with Jesus. Whenever I start talking about it to my dad especially, he just brushes the things I have to tell him about away with another topic and totally closes that chapter without even glancing at it. I find it especially hard to think about my family when there's a Family Sunday and I always have these haunting imaginations and thoughts that my family will never come to Chirst. It breaks my heart thinking about it even more because I love them so much and I want so much for them to be saved, to know the joy that I get from knowing God and being in His presence. The Lord has a plan for me, and everytime, I pray that God, please make sure, please assure me that my family is part of that plan for my future. And it's the same with my friends. I don't know how to approach them about this topic. Each time I get the courage to open up and tell them about it, they shove it back in my face and say that it's offending them. I've never felt as broken and outcasted as when they said it. Even after all that, God has given me a rainbow of hope. After reaching church from the Leader's Retreat, my mom picked me up and we were on our way home. My mom spotted a rainbow. She said to me,"Do you know what a rainbow symbolises? Hope..." I praise God all over again, because now, my mom will be coming to church regularly. God deserves all praise and so so so much more!!!

Rach,you probably don't know this,considering you're in the shower now.=P..Babezz,you have no idea how much I LOVE YOU!!I love you more than words will ever be able to say.I feel so broken up knowing that you'll be shifting school next year.Right now,it doesn't seem like much as I'm typing it out,but it'll never reflect how much pain there is in my heart.I've known you for 3 years now.I still can't imagine how we could have been 'enemies' at one point of time,and now we're the closest of friends.I hope and pray so much that Signified Seven will always stay close to each and every one of our hearts,the seven of us.Watching you say goodbye to Siew May and Kah Wei just now,it felt like that was the last time we'd be meeting.You've meant so much to us over these short but eventful years,so much!!!I love you so very much babe.I'm so worried we won't keep in touch although we say we will.I'm so worried you'll get another group of friends and you'll 'ditch' us(Unintentionally,of course.).I want so much for our friendship to last till we're old ladies with who knows how many grandkids,til we have no teeth after the thousands of Ringgits spent on braces when we were young.I want a friendship so special,we'll impact lives through our love for one another.So, Rach...this is especially for you....

Why is it so hard to come up with something to write for you now?
You're leaving soon and I've got nothing I can give you.
Other than the memories of our time spent with one another,my hands are empty.
I know it may be hard to remember me next time,
When you'll be surrounded with new friends and laughter.
Still,I hope so much that thoughts of me,of us,will still linger.
Let it be in your heart,let it be in your soul,
We want thoughts of us to disturb you till you're old.

How much I'd like to know....

I've never truly appreciated the benefits that I get from the simple things in life. Be it the strenght after waking up from a good night's sleep or how quenched my thirst is after a nice long drink of water.The daily routines in our lives may seem so boring and so familiar,that everything we do seems so ordinary.I feel like I never get to do anything outrageous and new when I'm at home.It always feels like I've got nothing better to do in life,like life isn't as interesting as it could be if I wasn't stuck in one place all the time.

Then I start to wonder,would I be thinking the same thing I am now,if I were in someone elses shoes?Would everything seem so insignificant?so used up in a sense?So here's a poem that just popped in my head...

Sitting on my window seat,
Staring out in space.
I look out the window,
Searching for some unknown fate.
Everything seems the same,
As it was 5 years ago.
Nothing out of place,
Nothing we don't already know.
Then I think aloud and say,
"I need to have more faith,
That my God has a plan for me,
That will make me be real great."
Things are not exactly the same,
As they were 5 years ago.
Just look at me right now,
I'm no longer 10,anymore.