Life

Lately everything around me just circles around the topic of LIFE.I honestly don't know what my views of life is.It's different all the time;changing according to my moods and situations.Sometimes I think life is scarier than death.When I was younger I used to be really scared of at the thought of death.I'm actually amazed I'm still alive today.I used to think that I would die really young.It's weird how my thoughts were so morbid at such a tender and young age.It's like that was a completely different person altogether.I'm not proud of who I used to be,but I know that without that part of my life,I probably wouldn't be who I am today.I probably wouldn't even be as accepting to things as I am now.Life is scary sometimes,beautiful but scary.Life is so precious and such an amazing gift from God.Life is also filled with unexpected twists and turns,so many ups and downs.The 'not knowing what can happen at anytime' part of life just really tests my faith in God.I keep wanting God to show me where to go in life and what exactly to do.It's so hard to completely trust Him 100% and that really makes me get so frustrated about myself.I know He's so amazing and so loving,but...why can't I just have enough faith to trust Him with everything in my life?Why do I keep questioning Him?He's shown me so many miracles already,why am I not completely convinced He'll keep me safe?Sometimes I wish I could install that in my head like a program.Then I'll never forget that and never underestimate His love for me.I love You,Lord....I really do...