As the saying goes...

I have no idea how the saying goes...Hahaha...So,my sister's in this BM story telling contest in school and my dad has been saying,"Tuan-tuan dan Puan-puan,pondan-pondan dan ah kua-ah kua..." these past few days.Yep...my dad....He's insane,and I love the insane dude who's the man of the house right now.Hahaha..I love the little men of the house too!!!Brianna and Farrella=P hahaha..i love renaming my brothers.I love my crazy family..=)

Life

Lately everything around me just circles around the topic of LIFE.I honestly don't know what my views of life is.It's different all the time;changing according to my moods and situations.Sometimes I think life is scarier than death.When I was younger I used to be really scared of at the thought of death.I'm actually amazed I'm still alive today.I used to think that I would die really young.It's weird how my thoughts were so morbid at such a tender and young age.It's like that was a completely different person altogether.I'm not proud of who I used to be,but I know that without that part of my life,I probably wouldn't be who I am today.I probably wouldn't even be as accepting to things as I am now.Life is scary sometimes,beautiful but scary.Life is so precious and such an amazing gift from God.Life is also filled with unexpected twists and turns,so many ups and downs.The 'not knowing what can happen at anytime' part of life just really tests my faith in God.I keep wanting God to show me where to go in life and what exactly to do.It's so hard to completely trust Him 100% and that really makes me get so frustrated about myself.I know He's so amazing and so loving,but...why can't I just have enough faith to trust Him with everything in my life?Why do I keep questioning Him?He's shown me so many miracles already,why am I not completely convinced He'll keep me safe?Sometimes I wish I could install that in my head like a program.Then I'll never forget that and never underestimate His love for me.I love You,Lord....I really do...

My prayer..

Lord,I'm sorry I'm such a coward.I'm sorry I am so self-conscious.I'm sorry my faith in YOU can be so much bigger.I'm sorry I don't know how to handle the mistakes I've made.I'm sorry I can't look away from my past yet.I'm sorry I find it so hard that You have truly forgiven me for my sins.I'm sorry I have so much to be sorry for!!!Lord,I really don't see how You can love me so much.I don't know what You see in me and why You even bother caring for me.It's so frustrating when in my times of trouble,I don't turn to You before everyone else,that I don't search for You first.It's even more annoying that I have to be reminded of how great You are despite everything You've ever done for me and in me.I've become so attuned to living life as a routine,going through everything the same way,prayer the exact same things sometimes,and saying I'm so busy with this and that that I become so ignorant towards You,Lord.It's so hard to just come and be in that place of wanting to wait on You,and we end up making You wait on us even after all the prompting from the Holy Spirit.I know Lord,that You won't wait long for us,You have so many other people to choose from to carry out Your plans.Lord,I just feel so worthless right now.I feel so guilty of things that have just resurfaced in my life.Lord,they've just turned my life upside down,made my perception on things just run all over the place.
Lord,just take total control over me,just take control over my life.I give You my life,Lord.I surrender it all to You.Lord,help me be who You want me to be.I pray all this in Your mighty name,Amen.

Loving someone...

Loving someone is never easy.Loving someone is more than just having strong feelings for a certain person,loving a person means you are willing to sacrifice more than you are actually willing to.At least,that what it looks like to me.Loving someone is having the courage to bare your soul to that person and you aren't scared to share your everything with that person.You're ready to share all you have with that person and you're ready to fight for that person.
The greatest example of love would of course have to be of God,the father and God,the son.
Jesus knew the purpose God had put in His life.Despite knowing what He would have to go through on earth-the pain,suffering,tests,rejection,death-He went through it all anyway.He trusted God to know what was right for Him and all of God's creations.Jesus was tempted in many ways,but He never once went against God's commands because He knew God wouldn't like it.As humans,we find it so hard to follow God's commands every time.Sometimes temptation gets the better of us and we end up sinning.If we love God,we should try even harder to resist whatever temptations there are in our lives and learn to lead a life that would be pleasing to God.It's hard,no doubt,but love is so powerful.It's something God has never stopped stressing throughout the whole bible.With love in our hearts,we can stay strong against any attacks of the enemy.We have God's love upon our lives.Jesus went through all that He did so that we could lead sinless lives,so that God could forgive us for our sins.Shouldn't we be doing just that?

Back again..

My busy busy busy schedules are back once again.I'm actually thankful for it because I've been lazing around and procrastinating A LOT this past few weeks.My attitude of not wanting to do anything was really getting on my nerves because I knew I could put in so much more effort into my schoolwork.This past week has been madness.I'm someone who loves to sleep,so when I don't get enough of sleep I tend to get grumpy.A whole week of sleeping earliest at 12pm and latest at 3am because of folios and moral assignments.Finally it's over,at least for now,and I can go back to sleeping at 10pm and getting up feeling good;not sitting on my bed for 10 minutes before my brain actually starts to function properly.
My teacher chose me for MSSKL Merentas Desa.I'm not sure why because I'm not a long distance runner,but I'm up for a challenge,so I don't mind.Today we had our first training session in school.No one told me about it until I reached school in the morning.One of my juniors asked me if I brought my PJ clothes,and I didn't.Thank God I had my was wearing my school shorts under my skirt,so I just had to find a shirt.My teacher gave us 45 minutes to complete the whole 5km distance.I was worried I wouldn't beat the time,and at 1 point I thought I was already over the time limit.When I reached the ending point,my teacher told me everyone finished within the time limit.I was so happy!And I was only about 4 minutes later than the 1st girl.Whee...the training I did on my own really helped.I found out where my weaknesses were today,so I know what to focus on now.I have to thank my "coach" for helping me with the training. =D